Mama Bear by Shirley Smith

Author:Shirley Smith
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harper
Published: 2021-09-14T00:00:00+00:00

9

One Year, Two Babies

On day 141 of Dakota’s life in the NICU, my day started out relatively calm. I awoke to the sound of my alarm with the habitual mindset to get Demi up and ready for school. The pre-symptoms of a cold that she had the night before took hold, and my big girl did not feel well at all. I thought, Of all days Demi is sick! Why today when her sister is due to come home? I didn’t let myself dwell on that negative thought. No sweat, I’ll just ask Auntie Anita to stay home and nurse Demi back to health while I make my way to the hospital.

JR had to work so we agreed for him to meet me at the hospital. I still had a list of pointers I needed to ask the nurse while I waited for him to get there. Some of the things included picking up her prescriptions and learning how to properly give them to her, and learning the proper mix for her formula to put her on higher calories, as well as the oxygen and pulse monitor instructions. I was getting a little overwhelmed.

I felt the rush coming so I kindly asked Dakota’s nurse to please ask everyone to give me some time alone to eat my breakfast and gather my thoughts before Grand Central Station opened up. Little did she know, I needed that time to shed some tears and thank God for how far he had brought Dakota. It was just a bittersweet day. For 141 days the NICU was our second home, it was my family of caretakers who offered me mommy guidance, and today that would change. So as I packed up Dakota’s books I cried. As I packed up her clothes I cried. When I looked at her nurses I cried, and when JR walked into her room I cried. I was not just crying because I was leaving the familiar, I was going through various emotions and memories of the hard days that I needed to purge, to leave it all there.

After sniffing and snotting everywhere, it was time. Dakota’s doctor still saved Dakota as the last preemie on her rounds. She wanted to save her for last because this was our last time getting Dakota’s daily report. She told me “I signed for you to be admitted and I will sign for you to be discharged.” With tears pouring like Niagara Falls they gave us Dakota’s report for the day, proudly announcing her weight as five pounds and six ounces. “I now pronounce you discharged.” And just like that, we got evicted.

There are no words in the dictionary that can describe JR’s and my feelings. I almost wanted someone to knock me upside the head with a frying pan, so I would know it was real.

On the drive home, we did not listen to any music. We were just silent, absorbing that this just happened. For the life of us, we could not find the words to describe our feelings or to even say anything on the ride home.

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